


A Freaky High School AU

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [52]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bodyswap, Cas is a Perv, Crack, Dean is a dick, Drabble, Gabriel being an Ass, Humor, M/M, Pyromania, casual nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 01:22:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/907226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam wakes to find that Dean is humping his leg.  This is a surprise to him, if literally no one else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lostinmymindforever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinmymindforever/gifts).



*ring*

…

*riiiiiing*

…

*riiiiiiiiiiiiiii-*

**Dean:**  Whah?

**Sam:** *on the phone* Hello, Dean.

**Dean:**  Whah?

**Sam:**  Are you, by any chance, sleeping with my best friend?

**Dean:** ….Why do you ask?

**Sam:**  Well, I just woke up in your bed.

**Dean:**  Sleep-walking to cuddle me again? Aw!

**Sam:**  You were humping my leg.

**Dean:**  Uh…

**Sam:**  …and telling me some pretty graphic, Cas-specific things I could do to you.

**Dean:** I’m sure a lot of people like—

**Sam:**  Wearing ‘that sexy trench coat and nothing else’?

**Dean:**  Ah, well, I’m sure it was just a weird dream.

**Sam:**  Yeah. That’s what I was hoping. Until I escaped into the bathroom and noticed that I APPEAR TO BE IN CAS’ BODY!

…

**Sam:**  Would you like to take a second crack at explaining why Castiel Novak’s body was in your bed this morning, Dean?

**Dean:**  You know, not really. I think it’s pretty self-explanatory. He’s super hot, and he gives really good—

**Sam:** DEAN!

**Dean:**  More importantly, if _you’re_ in _his_ body, who’s in the body down the hall that I’m currently standing over with an airhorn and a Super Soaker?


	2. Chapter 2

*the previous evening*

 **Sam:**  This is awesome Chinese food. Pass the tofu?

 **Cas:**  Here. Anyway, I do not want to take that test tomorrow. Why would someone schedule a test on the last Friday before a vacation? I wish I were you so that I could be done with it.

 **Sam:**  I guess. I mean it wasn’t that hard. I’m sure you’ll do fine. I just wish I was you so I could come here whenever I wanted. This veggie stir fry is to die for. How does your dad know the owners?

 **Cas:**  Dad knows everyone. It is somewhat Freaky.

 **Waitress:**  Would you like a fortune cookie?

 **Sam and Cas:**  YES!

 

*back to the next morning*

 **Cas-in-Sam:**  …So your plan is to convince people that nothing is wrong, try to act as the person whose body we are in would act, and hope that we can figure out a cure for this after school?

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  Yup! By watching terrible teen rom-coms. It’ll be super fun!

 **Cas-in-Sam:**  I am sure. Is there anything else we need to discuss before we go downstairs and face John?

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  Yeah. So, what’s up with you sleeping with my brother? I thought you would have better taste, but…

 **Cas-in-Sam:**  You are quite right. My face  _is_  very good at looking vaguely judgemental.

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  I know, right? I just spent like 20 minutes locked in Dean’s bathroom making faces. Your face is also surprisingly good at making creepy smiles, so you should work on that.

 **Cas-in-Sam:**  Why would I want—

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  Aw, so  _that’s_  what  _Bitchface #7_  looks like!

 **Cas-in-Sam** : Interesting. I have to figure out how to make your bitchfaces. If we are going to trick my brother, I am going to have to perfect the  _Gabriel’s-Being-a-Dick_  Special.

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  *wistfully* Yeah…

 **Cas-in-Sam:**  That ‘yeah’ sounds suspiciously like the  _Gabriel’s-Being-a-Dick_ Special is a mixture of annoyance and arousal.  I do not believe that I will be able to feign that successfully.  And also. Ew. 

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  Whatever. He’s so adorable and tiny when he’s being a dick…

 **Cas-in-Sam:**  I am confused. He is always tiny. That is just how tall he is. Does he get shorter when being dickish?

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  Nah. *wistfully* He’s always short…

 **Dean:**  *entering* Hey boys! So, I have a question. Is it weirder to be attracted to my brother in my boyfriend’s body, or my boyfriend in my brother’s?

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  Ew, Dean. Both. Both are bad.

 **Cas-in-Sam:**  I would not mind making out with you while I am in this body. I have always found the thought of you two together to be strangely arousing.

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  TMI, Cas. TMI.

 **Dean:**  Whatever, bitch. I agree with Cassy.

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  You want to make out with my body?!?

 **Dean:**  Is that really how you want to phrase that? And sure. I’m super horny right now, so y’know—

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  No! I don’t know! This is creepy and incestuous!

 **Dean:**  Eh. When your brother has an ass as fine as this one, Sammy…

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  Oh! Come on! At least wait ‘till I’m out of the room before you start groping my body!

 **Cas-in-Sam:**  Actually, Sam, would you mind sneaking into my window? Dad would be upset if he found out I was sleeping with Dean.

 **Dean:**  Why?!?

 **Cas-in-Sam:**  Dad can be old-fashioned about certain things. I suspect that would include, for example, the fact that you apparently feel up your brother. Though, again, I am not complaining.

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  I am!  _I_  am complaining!

 **Dean:**  Yeah, but you always do that. Now go cover for us with Chuck. It’ll give you the opportunity to stare wistfully at Gabe and then trip over your feet every time he smiles.

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  Shut up. That was  _one time_.

 **Dean:**  Yeah. And don’t worry. I think it happened because you were trying to focus on something so much shorter than your gangly self. That can’t be easy.

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  Bite me.

 **Dean:**  I do know exactly where that body likes to be bitten, so…

 **Sam-in-Cas:**  *scrambling to climb out the window* See you on the school bus!


	3. Chapter 3

**Gabriel:** So, do you know about anything going on with Cas? He was really cagey this morning.

**Dean:** OF COURSE NOT. I mean, nah, I don’t think so. What kind of cagey?

**Garth:** Guys. I think we’re supposed to use the other—

**Gabriel:** He kept falling over every time I talked to him? Or smiled? Or like, I was making breakfast when he got up, and he fell down the stairs, and got up muttering about ‘tiny little aprons’? It was super weird.

**Garth:** Guys! We’re supposed to be using water as a solvent, not—

**Dean:** Ah. Were you wearing anything besides the apron?

**Gabriel:** Of course not! Who am I? Martha fucking Stuart?

**Garth:** Guys. I am _not_ kidding. That is not the water faucet. It’s the—

*BOOM*

**Garth:** Gas line. That was the gas line. Has anyone seen my eyebrows?

**Bobby:** Idjits! Clean up your work station.

**Gabriel:** That was awesome!

**Dean:** I know, right? We should tell Benny about that.

**Gabriel:** Dude. I don’t care how much shit you blow up. He is never gonna think you’re cool.

**Dean:** Damn it. I know. I just. I wish I could be him for a day. And just be that cool. And able to grow facial hair. Damn seniors and their ability to grow facial hair!

**Gabriel:** Yeah. Also, I’m pretty sure that whole body-swap wish-thing only works if both of you wish to be the other one. Which Benny will _never_ do.

**Gabriel and Dean:** Damn seniors.

**Garth:** Guys? Could you help me put out my lab notebook?

**Gabriel:**  Actually, body-swap would explain Cas this morning. I mean, he went out to Chinese with Sam yesterday. And he kept being surprised when he couldn’t reach the top shelf. Then falling over when I laughed at him—

**Dean:** OH NO! GARTH IS ON FIRE! WE SHOULD HELP PUT HIM OUT!

*Garth sighs*


	4. Chapter 4

**Sam-in-Cas:**  That is disgusting.

**Cas-in-Sam:**  My lunch?

**Sam-in-Cas:**  That hamburger. Do you really have to eat it? Can’t you wait ‘till you have your own body back?

**Cas-in-Sam:**  But Hamburger Day is my favorite!

****Sam-in-Cas** :** Dude. I already took a test for you today. Which you aced, by the way. Can’t you just…

**Cas-in-Sam:**  So you really believe one hamburger will hurt you that much?

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Ugh. Fine. But don’t blame me when you start pooping funny.

**Dean:**  Hey guys. You saved us seats, right? Guess what just happened in Chem!

**Gabriel:** Sammy? Are you eating a hamburger?

****Cas-in-Sam** :** It makes me very happy.

*Sam-in-Cas sighs*

**Gabriel:**  Yeah, well, as much as you look pretty with meat in your mouth…

**Dean:** Cas, you just spilled milk down your—

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Thanks. I’m aware.

**Gabriel:** *aside* Damn it. I was trying to make _Sam—_ wait a minute. *aloud* What did you just say, Cas?

…

*Dean nudges Sam-in-Cas, who realizes Gabriel is talking to him*

**Sam-in-Cas:**  I just said I’m aware that I’ve got milk all down my—

**Gabriel:** Excuse me. Dean?

*Gabriel pulls Dean aside*

**Sam-in-Cas:**  What was that all about?

**Cas-in-Sam:** I do not know. You still have milk on your—

**Sam-in-Cas:**  I’M AWARE.

*And at another table*

**Gabriel:** So, Dean. You are going to explain to me, without lying or trying to distract me in any way, why my little brother has suddenly and inexplicably begun to understand the use of contractions.


	5. Chapter 5

**Charlie:**  Did you do a body swap with Cas, Sam?

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Damn it. How did you know?

**Charlie:**  You’re trying to get into his locker with your combination.

**Sam-in-Cas:**  How do you know my…?

**Charlie:**  Please.

**Sam-in-Cas:** Right. I assume that means you also know Cas’ combination?

**Charlie:**  Yup. Here, let me.

**Sam-in-Cas:** Thanks.

**Charlie:** I also knew ‘cause me and Ash went out to eat at that Chinese place last week, and the same thing happened to us.

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Ah. That explains the whole buzz cut he’s rocking now.

**Charlie:**  Please. Like I was going to be able to get into Jo’s pants with that mullet. ‘Party in the back’ isn’t appropriate till at least the third date.

**Sam-in-Cas:** So you got into…?

**Charlie:**  Nah. Turns out she’s into chicks. So that worked out well when we swapped back.  Oh! Speaking of…

**Jo:**  Hey babe.

**Charlie:**  Sorry, Sam, gotta run. Third date, if you know what I mean. Have fun with the…

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Wait! How did you manage to switch…

*Charlie leaves with Jo*

**Sam-in-Cas:**  …back. Oh never mind. I’m sure we’ll just come to a greater understanding of the difficulties in each other’s lives. Ugh. Like I don’t know how hard it is—

**Gabriel:**   How hard is it, Cassandra? How hard?

**Sam-in-Cas:**  GAH!

**Gabriel:**  So, favourite little brother of mine, I was thinking that we could hang out after school. Do sibling things: paint our toenails, ogle Winchesters, go skinny dipping….

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Eep!

**Gabriel:**  If you wanna practice making out, we could do that, too. Dean says you need a bit of work on your—

**Sam-in-Cas:**  GAH!

**Gabriel:**  Yeah, well, you aren’t my type either, Cassiopeia. I like ‘em significantly taller….

*Gabriel stares wistfully into the middle distance. Sam-in-Cas trips over his backpack, knocks over a nearby book cart, and launches the books at a passing Garth.*

**Garth:**  God damn it! Could someone call the nurse? Or a medic?


	6. Chapter 6

*that evening*

**Cas-in-Sam** **:** I think we have watched enough movies.

**Sam-in-Cas** **:**  Please? Just one more? This one is about a misfit teenage girl who—

**Cas-in-Sam** **:** No! I think we have gotten the gist. Honestly, I do not believe that ‘She’s the Man’ was even very topical.

**Sam-in-Cas** **:**  Yeah, but she was pretending to be someone else…

**Cas-in-Sam** **:**  Not in a very convincing way. And they did not actually switch bodies.

**Sam-in-Cas** **:**  Fine. Do you wanna start on the list of possible solutions?

**Cas-in-Sam** **:**  Yes. First the easiest, I suppose. Why is my life harder than you expected?

**Sam-in-Cas** **:**  Well, I finally found out that Gabriel liked me…

**Gabriel:** *from another room* YOU ARE A BIT DENSE. BUT PRETTY, SO…

**Sam-in-Cas** **:** …but it’s hard to be you, because now he won’t make out with me. Not even a little!

**Gabriel:** *still elsewhere* I TOLD YOU! IT’S NOT WORTH IT UNLESS THERE’S AT LEAST A SIX-INCH HEIGHT DIFFERENCE!

**Sam-in-Cas** **:**  Ugh. And you? Why is it hard to be me?

**Cas-in-Sam** **:**  Well, besides the fact that I keep getting cock-blocked by my own body…

**Sam-in-Cas** **:**  Oh, come on!

**Cas-in-Sam** **:**  It is hard to be you because I keep walking into low-hanging branches. It happened three times today. It hurt.  And it messed up my hair.

…

**Gabriel:**  DID TALKING ABOUT THE DEEPER UNDERSTANDING YOU GAINED OF EACH OTHER’S LIVES WORK?

**Cas-in-Sam** **:**  Nope. So, I suppose we should start looking for an amulet?

**Sam-in-Cas** **:** Or a mystical statue or something.  Yeah.

*a while later*

**Sam-in-Cas** **:**  Well, none of the witches in the phone book know anything. The last one wanted to know some very specific things about what we were wearing, but…

**Gabriel:** AH YES. TITANIA THE TEENAGE TEMPTRESS…

**Sam-in-Cas** **:** OH SHUT UP. ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING TO HELP?!?

**Gabriel:** I HAVE A COUPLE LEADS. HOLD YOUR HORSES, SAMANTHA THE SOPHOMORE SEDUCTRESS!

**Cas-in-Sam** **:**  Well, that is all we have on the list. Unless we can get the defence screens to 62 percent?

**Sam-in-Cas** **:** I think Farscape is a bit obscure. And also, we are lacking in sentient space ships.

**Cas-in-Sam** **:**  So why did we watch…?

**Sam-in-Cas** **:**  ’Cause Crichton is dreamy. Duh.

**Cas-in-Sam** **:**  Fair.

**Gabriel:** STOP REFERENCING OBSCURE EPISODES OF THINGS NO ONE HAS WATCHED!

**Sam-in-Cas** **:** IF THEY HAVEN’T WATCHED FARSCAPE, THEY SHOULD. IT WILL CHANGE THEIR LIVES!

**Cas-in-Sam** **:**  Anyway…


	7. Chapter 7

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Yeah, I’m out of ideas.

**Gabriel:**  ACTUALLY GUYS, I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT!

**Sam-in-Cas:**  GAH! Oh my god. You don’t have to keep yelling if you’re right behind me.

**Gabriel:**  Sorry. Anyway, I just got off the phone with your waitress from yesterday. A very nice girl named Becky. She says all you have to do is make out for a bit.

**Sam-in-Cas:**  What? Really?

**Gabriel:**  Yeah. She says you should use tongue. But not too much, like, she isn’t into slobbery makeouts. And there should be some heavy petting, if possible.

**Cas-in-Sam:**  Alright. Sam?

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Yeah. Whatever.

**Gabriel:**  And show some enthusiasm! Oh, and I’ll be videoing it. For reasons. Also…um…proof?

*Sam-in-Cas and Cas-in-Sam make out*

**Gabriel:**  Yeah, just like that! Sam, move your hand to his…yeah. Now…

*a while later*

**Sam-in-Cas:**  That didn’t work.

**Cas-in-Sam:**  Hand me my pants?

**Gabriel:**  Oh! Don’t worry, she said you’ll switch back in your sleep, just like last time.

**Cas-in-Sam:**  Is this your sock?

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Ugh. So after all that, I still can’t make out with you?

**Gabriel:**  Unfortunately, no. But why don’t you go home to your place? I’m sure John will be fine with Cas sleeping over, and then when you wake up, your body will be here and we can have some nookie before breakfast.

**Cas-in-Sam:**  Oh! This was my shirt, but it is far too small for this body. Here!

**Sam-in-Cas:**  That sounds great. Though I’m seriously doubting my taste. Nookie? Really? Who calls it that?

**Cas-in-Sam:**  So I am staying here?

**Sam-in-Cas:**  Yeah. Chuck likes me, so it won’t be a problem.

**Cas-in-Sam:**  True. Here, take my trench coat when you go. Give it to Dean if he misses me. Tell him he can do the thing with the—

**Sam-in-Cas:**  I DON’T NEED TO KNOW. JUST GIVE ME THE COAT. BYE.

**Epilogue:**

*ring*

…

*riiiiiing*

…

*riiiiiiiiiiiiiii—*

**Dean:**  Whah?

**Sam:** *on the phone* Hello, Dean. Just wanted to let you know that you can sleep with Cas again!

**Dean:**  ….Thanks?

**Sam:**  I’m back in my own body! Also, at the moment, Gabe’s body. If you know what I mean.

**Dean:**  I do know. Intimately. From experience.

**Sam:**  Damn it! Gabe, what about your six-inch height difference rule?

**Gabriel:**  Eh. Dean is super pretty.

**Sam:**  Whah?!?

**Gabriel:**  But you are much taller! And better at that thing where you take off your…

**Dean:**  Guys, as much as I would love to discuss your sex life, I have some more important issues to deal with. Like, for instance, if Sam is in his own body, who is in the body down the hall that I’m currently standing over with a bottle of shaving cream and a vuvuzela?

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
